The Break Up.

[ FICTION TIME! ]

Ryan toyed with the phone in his hand. He had typed and re-typed a number of sentences he had come up with at the top of his head but none seemed to convey what he really wanted to say.

This isn't working out. 
Let's stay friends. 
I don't love you. 

He took a deep breath and scrunched up his face in annoyance. He made a living off stringing words together in beautiful paragraphs for crying out loud. His words had the power to drag anyone who read it into his realm of rainbows and heartbreaks. Heartbreaks. It was easier to break fictional hearts, it was his absolute favourite thing to write. But when it came to ending his own relationship, all words abandoned him. He cupped his face in his hands and inhaled deep.

Sadie was a nice girl. Too nice. She was sweet. Too sweet. She was very much like the characters that Ryan always wrote - loving and loyal to a fault. So naturally, when she had asked him out, he said yes.

Everyone who knew Sadie would say that she was the perfect girl for Ryan. She would run on shards of glass barefoot and swim through fire for Ryan, if that is what Ryan wanted.

What bothered Ryan the most though, was that he wouldn't do the same for her. He didn't even need a moment to think about it, he just knew that he didn't love her the way she loved him.

Sure, there were moments that he felt like she was the one. There were moments when he felt like bringing her home to the folks. There were moments when he thanked the heavens above that he found a girl like her. Ryan was not the easiest guy to like, but she did. Not only did she have to deal with Ryan's constant mood swings, she also had to endure being ridiculed by Ryan over some things that Ryan felt that he did better than her. It was in Ryan's blood to be egocentric as he was. He was a Leo after all. He didn't get it. Why hasn't she left him? If he were in her shoes, he'd leave in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Sadie was a really nice girl.

You don't deserve an asshole like me. 
You deserve way better. 

Ryan felt bad that he didn't feel anything. Not even the slightest tug at his heartstrings for what he was about to do to this very nice girl. At this point, he doubted that he even had a heart at all to begin with.

His one-month relationship felt like nothing but a routine of good mornings, good nights and slightly implied I love yous. He never brought himself to tell her the three magic words, simply because he didn't feel it. His relationship was based solely on what he expected a relationship to be like. He re-enacted the acts in his writings, trying to step into the shoes of a loving boyfriend. But he couldn't be that man he always portrayed in his words. He just wasn't that man. Not in the slightest.

A clean break heals the fastest. 
A clear rejection is better than fake promises. 

He clenched his phone hard. Sadie and him have never fought. Sure Ryan constantly tried backing off, quietly dropping off the grid - but Sadie always came back. She would tell him how disappointed she gets when he does that, but later she would just smile and tell herself that she would just learn to live with his habits. She loved him, after all. And that's what people do when they're in love, right? They accept each other's demons?

I can't even handle my own demons. What makes you think I'll have the patience to deal with yours? 

Yes. She had her demons too, being too nice a girl. She was too timid, too naive, always believing the best in people. She constantly let people run over her. She often talked to Ryan about her colleagues at work, how they constantly made her feel invisible. It annoyed Ryan that she wouldn't step up and fight. As she spoke, Ryan always tuned her out. Personally, he hated dealing with problems like this. He wasn't programmed to deal with sadness and other intricate matters of the heart. But she was too nice and he knew that he couldn't just ignore her, so he gave her generic words of encouragement to get her back on her feet. It was what a good boyfriend is expected to do. A good boyfriend had to keep his girl happy.

Had to. Ryan shook his head. Yes, that was one of the points that made him come to this decision. He felt obligated to make this girl happy. Not because he wanted to; he had to. He had to be nice to her. He had to reply her texts. He had to answer her calls. He had to, because he was her boyfriend and that is what boyfriends are expected to do.

I'm leaving you. 
This is the end.

Maybe he had a problem with commitment. He admit that he freaked out a little when she had mentioned about marriage. He was 22. He wasn't ready for this kind of commitment. He wasn't ready financially, mentally and emotionally.

I'm not in the right emotional state for this relationship. 
My future is a picture without you in it. 
I can't picture us being together till the end. 

Yes, he wasn't emotionally ready for this kind of relationship. He wrote about love all the time. He wrote about all kinds of love. He should know love by now having breathed life into tales of love from day to day.

Love is when separation, even for the slightest second makes you want to get closer, like two magnets set side by side. Love is looking into the eyes of the one you love and getting lost in her eyes, having all your troubles drift away. Love is when you have one last phone call to make, and her number is the first that your fingers dial.

He didn't feel this way with her. It was only fair that he let her go. She deserved a man who felt that way about her. A man that would love her tenfold. Yes, that is what she deserved.

He wanted to kick himself for resorting to breaking up via text message. He felt like an absolute asshole for doing so - he was really mad when Joe Jonas broke up with Taylor Swift over a 27 second phone call ("Why didn't you just yell it to her face you arse?")- but he realized that he couldn't do it to Sadie's face even if he wanted to. He understood Joe's choices now. Text message, it is. Cowardly, yes. But his strength had always been in the written word, and that's how he wanted to do it.

He held up his phone to his face and began to string up a few words, thumbs dancing away on the touch-screen keypad. He decided not to go for the words that he used in his works. Those lines were cliche and overused. He used original lines that came from his (non-existent) heart, hoping that it sounded as sincere as he expressed them to be. She deserved that much.

Closing his eyes, he hit send.

The damage had been done. Sadie tried to call, she tried to text back - but Ryan put his phone on silent. He'd deal with the damage later. Maybe he'd incorporate it in his writing, like he always did.

*

"Why didn't you answer my calls?" Sadie brought up one day.

"Well, some day - I might not be there to answer all your calls." Ryan quickly retorted. I'm not in the mood to answer your calls. I don't want to talk to you. Ryan's brain screamed a million other reasons to why he did not answer Sadie's calls.

"I'm... I'm just preparing you for that day. The day I leave." he added with a weak smile. Not the honest truth, though not exactly a lie. Even at this moment, Ryan had already considered leaving her. However, Sadie smiled back.

"I hope that day never comes, Ry. You know that if you leave, I'll just be right here waiting for you right? Always."

She doesn't have a clue. 

"Yeah, I know."

*

"Ryan, wake up."

He opened his eyes to find another young man sitting at the edge of his bed. He looked exactly like him, minus the tattoos and jet-black hair.

"How did you get in here?" he mumbled groggily, sitting up to look at his twin brother.

"The door was unlocked." Nicky replied, pointing towards the door, like it was the most obvious explanation in the world.

"Mum wants us home for lunch, which is in... half-an-hour. You coming? You can bring Sadie along and introduce her to Mum."

Sadie. The name sounded so familiar, like a distant memory.

"Yes, to lunch. No, to Sadie." Ryan replied, climbing out of bed. "Mum won't mind if I don't shower, right? I'm starving. Showering takes too long." he added, sniffing his armpits.

Nicky shook his head at his brother's antics. Ryan grabbed a t-shirt from the top of the hamper and put it on. He threw on a pair of jeans and sprayed on generous amounts of deodorant. He laced up his sneakers and head out the door.

"So... why aren't we bringing Sadie again?"

"Sadie who? Come on, Nick. I'm hungry. Let's go. Mum's waiting." Ryan replied hastily, pointing at the non-existent watch he had on his right wrist.

Nicky sensed that his brother was avoiding the question. Just as Ryan was about to turn down the corridor, Nicky pulled at his t-shirt, pulling him to a stop.

"You broke up?"

Ryan looked up into Nicky's eyes and nodded. That was all Nicky needed to know. Nicky knew Ryan well enough to not delve deeper into the issue. If Ryan wanted to share his story, he would.

"I knew you weren't into girls anyway. I saw how you were looking at Chris the other day." Nicky said, breaking the silence. For the first time that day, Ryan had to smile. The two of them broke down laughing. Ryan hugged his brother tight. He knew that he had Nicky to cheer him up, always. He loved his brother dearly for that.

"Yeah, that boy has got some fine abs. And those jeans? Have you seen him in those jeans? Man, it should be illegal to wear jeans that tight." Ryan said, holding up his hands in a grabbing gesture to accentuate his words.

"RYAN!"

"Nah, I'm just kidding, brother dear. Lunch?"

"Yeah, let's go."

FIN.

A/N: Any similarities to real life stories are purely coincidental? Sorry for the word vomit. Just needed to get that out of my system. Thanks for reading!