Raya tahun ini.

It's 7 a.m.

I initially turned on my laptop to go through some Vectors and Computer Science notes; instead here I am: blogging.

"Kak, kalau nak makan cereal- susu ada" says Mom. I mumble a reply and continue typing this post.

Faris made a post a few days back on his blog ("accepting is everything", Sept. 23rd) that made me think about this year's raya. Everytime Raya comes, it's a tradition to seek forgiveness from the people you've wronged in the past; to rekindle broken relationships; to start anew.

It's not all about the duit raya, the food, the name of this celebration, Eidulfitr' says it all. Eid is arabic for going back, or returning and Fitr' is simply fitrah or how human beings were supposed to be. So in simple terms, it really means going back to the norm. And I don't think shoving food in your face for hours on end is quite a norm; a common mistake by us as muslims today.

Like Faris mentioned in his blog:

"you say sorry for all the mistakes..so what?? you still gonna make mistakes towards that person you seek forgiveness to.."

I have to say, I agree. Many have carried out this tradition of seeking forgiveness on Raya morning, simply as some kind of rite of passage, a habit- without really, truly meaning it. Thinking back, I did not apologize to anybody directly this year. I admit that I added the 'Maaf zahir batin' at the end of my texts merely out of habit.

Why?

I have to say, even for me- a person who merely acts on impulse and raging hormones (actions which I might regret later) ; spur of the moment kinda thing- I mean every single thing I do. If I tell you : I hate you for being such a worry-wart everytime the exams come- I mean it. If I tell you - I like the way you're polite to everyone- I mean it. And it's not because I'm trying to be nice or anything. I do everything (or say anything) as I wish; Life is too short for filters and discretion. Not here. Not now.

I'm not going to apologize for being, well, me.

But if I am truly the one at fault, believe me- I will be the first to grasp your hand in apology.

But this Raya, I don't know why that never came to be.

Another thing I learnt from Faris' post was; life's too short. Very, very short to take things for granted. Like the sisters you fight with everyday, like your mothers whom you scowl at whenever they ask you to fold clothes/clean your room/ take out the trash, your fathers who work super hard to support you-

You might not realize that now.

In time, maybe you will.

If you think you've got it bad, some people may have it even worse.

Thanks Faris, (my brother!) I'm so proud of ya and thanks again for the wake up call. Not everyday is a day in La-la land. (: